Being a photographer on a weekly motoring magazine means going on more than your fair share of car launches.
Often in Europe, sometimes beyond, but there’s no doubt that the air miles are well and truly racked up. There’s one thing I always do as soon as I touch down in a new, far-off land (normally in the snaking queue that leads to passport control), and it begins with loading up Facebook. Not for the social aspects of that app, though: I’m simply addicted to poking around the wretched hive of scum and villainy that’s more commonly known as Facebook Marketplace.
I’m not too sure when I started doing this, but I don’t think I will ever be able to stop. Naturally, I first began browsing in the UK, seeing what absolute rubbish I could find local to me. Mixed in between the frankly terrifying home-made action figures and care-worn furniture, I discovered an abundance of used cars, and it was all downhill from there. One of the reasons I love it is that it seems to have replaced eBay as the main refuge for banger enthusiasts.
Selling points like “has seven months MOT” – a major turn-off in the context of buying a newer motor – are utterly invaluable in the context of a £500 Renault Clio. If all you need is a car that mostly works, there’s no other place where you will get as much bang for your buck. Although you do have to keep your eyes and ears open, as that bang might be the sound of the big end going.
Trying to work out whether you’ve found the bargain of the century or a true rotter is somewhere between an art and science. You have to scan sellers’ profiles to see if they’re real people and keep another tab open with the DVSA’s MOT history checker to see what might be horribly wrong with each listing.
I’ve bought a Mazda MX-5 and a Toyota MR2 on Facebook Marketplace, and the process of procuring them was roughly equivalent to a forensic investigation. If that’s the bad, then I suppose the variety is the good. I’ve seen everything from Renault Dauphines to Formula Ford racers on my feed, both as immaculate examples and howling ruins.
As I write, an Irmscher Opel Nova has crossed my path, and yesterday I clocked the rolling shell of a genuine mid-2000s Nascar Chevy. Roger Clark’s ex-works Ford Fiesta Mk1 rally car, driven by the legend himself throughout the 1979 season, cropped up on there lately with an £80,000 asking price. If you can name it, you can find it.
And the ugly? Well, that’s just the rubbish. Memorable highlights include a seemingly normal Peugeot 406 Coupé that turned out to have a painstakingly airbrushed image of the superhero Thor all down the side and over the bonnet, which the seller made clear to mention cost far more than the amount they were asking for the car.
An original Vauxhall Tigra (when did you last see one of those?) wrapped to resemble Winnie the Pooh’s friend Tigger was listed next to a full Max Power-spec Suzuki Swift, complete with scissor doors. My current infatuation is a Soviet-built Kirovets T150K tractor, nestled in my saved favourites alongside a rally-spec Rover 213 and a Citroën Ami 8 that’s seemingly composed mostly of rust.
