If you drive a flashy sports car like a Chevrolet Corvette or Ford Mustang Dark Horse, or a Porsche 911, we have some bad news: there’s a good chance you may have a small wiener. Actually, the above statement is a fallacy (or is that phallusy?), but a new study found a psychological link between small penises and fast cars. Basically, men buy ostentatious vehicles once they start believing they have smaller-than-average pee-pees.
The study is titled Small Penises and Fast Cars: Evidence for a Psychological Link, published by the Department of Experimental Psychology, University College London. How did the university manage to pull this off? They asked several upstanding members of society to partake in a study and manipulated them into believing they had a smaller penis. This increased their desire for luxury sports cars. In short, owning a sports car doesn’t mean you have a small penis, but there’s a good chance you own one because you believe your manhood is below average.
Misinformation About Penis Size
2027 Chevrolet Corvette Grand SportChevrolet
The study used 200 British men and fed them false information. The critical false statements were that the average erect penis size was either 18 cm (seven inches) or 10 cm (four inches). The men who received the seven-inch information felt ill-equipped, while the four-inch recipients felt rather good about themselves. For the record, the average is between 5.1 to 5.5 inches.
After receiving this information, the men were presented with pictures of products they had to rate according to desirability.
The results showed that men who thought they had a relatively small penis rated sports cars much higher, with a maximum probability of effect (MPE) score of 91%. Age also plays a role. For men 29 years and younger, the MPEs were below 90%. Above 30 years of age, the MPEs were between 95% and 99%.
Why conduct this study? The fast car and small penis tropes have been with us for as long as go-faster cars have existed. And there have been previous studies on the topic. It’s a simple study that helps the world better understand the male psyche. Or it could be marketing-related. “Buy the new Lamborghini Revuelto because people will think you have a large weenie.”
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The university points out that penis-related studies are often skewed, so don’t feel too bad if you own a yellow Corvette.
“Self-reported penis size is notoriously unreliable, and even an objective study of penis size and sports car ownership would also be limited to correlation evidence. In this experiment, however, we were able to find a causal psychological link between fast cars and small penises for the first time,” the study states.
Here’s Why You Want A Sports Car
Mazda MX-5 Miata Zinc GreenMazda
The psychological link exists for two reasons. The first explanation is basic peacockery, or a display of wealth meant to impress others or attract mates. Previous studies have shown that men think they’re more attractive when they have a flashy car. Secondly, there’s the question of self-esteem. People want to buy expensive and flashy things when their self-worth takes a knock. Basically, if you’ve just learned that you have a tiny johnson, you’re more likely to buy a sports car to lessen the blow.
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For the record, it’s not our intention to make fun of anyone or their penis. The managing editor has two Mazda Miatas, and your faithful correspondent is around 90% done saving for a Porsche Boxster or Cayman.
Whatever your reason may be, it is perfectly fine. It is your money, after all.
The Best Reason To Buy A Sports Car
2027 Nissan Z NismoNissan
The problem with studies like these is that they look at the public as a whole, most of whom see a car as an appliance, or another way to show off. I’d like to believe you’re on this website because you like cars on an entirely different level. You can appreciate the Porsche 911’s hybrid turbo setup for its engineering genius, and spend hours looking at the quality of the welds on a racing car’s cooling system.
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The best reason to buy a sports car is because you love driving. Heck, the best reason to buy any car is because you have some sort of emotional connection to it, which is why electric vehicles are struggling so hard.
The comments section is bound to be lit, but please be sure to read the full story before you comment prematurely.
